The Pros and Cons of Okcupid.com

If you follow me on twitter, then you may have seen me tweeting about joining okcupid.com last week.I've always been curious about joining an online dating site but have been reluctant to because of the negative stigmas that surrounds it. It wasn't until I saw one of my favorite bloggers happy black woman tweeting about okcupid being a favorite for her that I decided to join...plus it was FREE. lol

So here I am a week later with the following review:

Pros:

Five Ways to Break Up With a NON Boyfriend

It’s kind of sad all of the hoopla us single + fab ladies have to put up with on a daily basis. Seriously, the sh!t goes from tiring, to confusing, to lonely to wtf real quick. So today I’ve decided to write a handy guide for a BIG problem that myself and many other ladies face: Having to break up with a guy who you aren’t even dating!

You know that guy “friend” who secretly thinks you’ll realize one day that you should be with him despite the fact that you clearly show no interest in him.Why don’t some guys get that we JUST want to be friends? I’ll never know, but here’s some ways to “break up” with the poor old guy.

Here’s five ways to break up with him, and yes some are cowardly.lol

Boredom: A Single Girls' Worst Enemy

image from toonplaza.blogspot.com

 

 



Ever notice how some of the dumbest decisions you've made started on a day/night you just wanted to get out because you were bored? I sure have, so I wanted to go in depth about the harm that boredom brings and the resolution.

WARNING BOREDOM MAY CAUSE THE FOLLOWING:

*May cause you to go out on a date for food with someone you despise
*May cause you to invite a lame over
*May cause you to entertain the lame
*May cause you to entertain the lame sexually (shame on you)
*May cause you to get drunk and call up an ex
*May cause drunken sex with the ex
*May cause drunken sex with the ex that leads to pregnancy
*May cause drunken sex with the ex that leads to pregnancy and leaves you a single baby momma with baby daddy drama

WHEW, so basically dont give into boredom or you may accidently get pregnant by someone you dont want and be a crazy baby momma

OF course Im kidding...or am I?

Talking...Let's Talk About What That Means.

"Talking to" someone of the opposite sex has been a phenomon since waaaay before you and I  were ever thought of, and yet very few people stop to think about what it really means.

I've created my own description for the "talking" guidelines as the following: Talking is a few degrees less than dating. It is the time you talk to/see a person of interest consistently in hopes of dating. It is sort of like a testing phase and should not involve serious feelings or drastic actions. During this time, you're learning about the other person, but should keep in mind that most people are on their best behavior in the beginning stages. This is the lightest phase of a relationship, so it's the perfect time to head for the hills if any cautionary signs pop up.

It is very important not to confuse "talking" with "dating" or "relationship", although I might add that it seems the older we get, the more dating we do initally instead of talking.

Talking VS Dating

Craigslist Chronicles: The Good, The Bad & The Crazy

Maybe it's  because Ive just joined ok cupid (which I fully plan on doing some blogs about later, stay tuned) but I've been very curious about the pursuit of love online. There are soooo many reputable  sites available for us now days to reach out and meet "the one"...

So today, the evil genius in me thought it would be funny to search through Craigslist ads because I knew I'd be bound to find some straight up ridiculousness...which I did...and here lies The Good, The Bad, and the Crazy from the Craigslist's personals pages (Women Seeking Men)

The Good

50 First Dates

(in case the text is too small, it reads: Greetings, Men of Craigslist. IM a BBw single mom who just turned 39 and is more than a little annoyed to see 40 looming in my future. My childs as reached teenagehood and a measure of independence, and i've decided to celebrate the last year of my 30's by making it a goal to have 50 first dates before i turnd 40. Wanna help?

 

For the visually inclined, Im 5'6, 210 lbs (size 16-18, xl), with medium length blognde hair and fairly good breasts. I like movies (sci-fi and action mostly), blues bars, white wine , shows, great conversation and lots of laughter. Becasue Im trying to expand my horizons, Im totally open to trying new things. You can plan YOUR ideal first date, and I'll probalby be games. Im fairly intelligent, open-minded and fun if you like sarcastic humor.

 

If you'd like to help me "go out" of my thirties witha bang, and if you love first dates, email me and tell me what kind of first dat you'd like to take me on. It doesnt have to be fancy, just looking for fun ! Extra points if you dont suggest dinner and a movie)



I like that this poster was original and specific. She's made it clear that she's not looking for anything serious, but just a bunch of fun dates with different guys. LOL at her calling her own self fairly and intelligent and having fairly good breast. wtf?

Just Dating? No Need For Loyalty Then!

 

 

loy·al·ty/ˈloiəltē/

Noun:

The quality of being loyal to someone or something. A strong feeling of support or allegiance: "fights with in-laws cause divided loyalties".

A "relationship" trend Im definetly NOT loving is the one where people (okay, us ladies) are being loyal to guys we are "just talking to" or just dating...I realize times might be tough out there in these mean single streets, trust me I know BUT we must not let that influence us into making bad decisions.

Our culture, is big on loyalty. I get that and I am an advocate of loyalty to friends and family who are deserving, or otherwise I may definetly NOT have your back.lol.

In my opinion, a lot of these premature loyalty issues stem from lack of self esteem. I know and I can write about this topic because I've been there before so Im not here to judge, Im here to guide. The absense of self esteem or presense of insecurity tends to always make us feel that we have to prove ourselves to others in order to get their approval. The thought is, once they see that we've proven ourselves, we pass the test and by passing the test, we go on to the "next level"...whatever that may be, which is usually us getting a step closer to relationship status.

For instance, in my past insecurity filled life, once I considered myself officially "talking" (i'll do a whole other blog on what 'talking' is.lol) then in my head I felt I had certain obligations to him. I would go out and not give out my number to other guys, I'd refuse dates, cancel prior activities for quality time with "him" etc etc etc. I look back now and laugh.

Loyalty to the wrong person, especially too soon can lead to many bad decisions; the most common one being having sex too soon with a person, especially unprotected! Unless you are getting your groove back or are just mentally prepared and sexually liberated enough to seperate sex from emotions, I would not advise sleeping with someone who you're just dating because most likely he will just turn into a friend with benefits and NOT a boyfriend...and let's be honest here, we dont really want any more friends with benefits!

It's all as simple as this : If you are single, you dont have a boyfriend. Period. Dating other people is not cheating. I know I used to feel bad, but the reality of the dating situation is if it's not monogomous than there is no such thing as cheating. Simple as that. Even if you like the person and the person likes you, until it's official you are fare game. And trust me when I say that a lot of the things we wouldnt hesitate to do for the sake of "him", he would not think twice about doing to you, keep that in mind.

All Im saying is your loyalty should ONLY be reserved for those who have proven themselves worthy.If you take nothing else from this post, take this: YOU ARE ENOUGH! It's time for us to stop feeling the need to prove ourselves to anyone, ESPECIALLY for those who not do the same for us


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So What Is It, Opposites Attract or Like Attracts Like?

Throughout the course of our lives, we are faced with numerous conflicting messages. For example, when we learned the the alphabet and the vowels (yes Im taking it back) we learned the vowels were A,E,I,O,U...and sometimes Y. That sometimes Y is pretty tricky because it is neither a full time vowel or a full time consonant. I digress.

Life tends to present plenty of "And sometimes Y" situations. Especially in regards to relationships. We are taught certain things, and then taught the exact opposite of those things and are left to figure out when to use them and in which cases, which of course usually varies. Like Independence. We are taught to be independent and have our own as women and not need a man for anything. We are also taught that men are to be the providers, protectors and head of the household....which kind of means we do need them. Confusing right?

So my post today is about the old adage of "opposites attract", which Im sure you've heard said before. Im confused because in my personal enlightenment journey, I've learned that "like attracts like". I want to know which one should I be looking for?

Girls Who are Never Single vs Girls Who are Always Single. Which B*tch is The Craziest?

Obviously both ends of the spectrum has issues, that of course has gained my interest enough to write about.

Here are my thoughts.

First, I'd say both ends of the spectrum are major red flags for potential lovers, and here's why:

Why Serial Daters and Girls Who are Always In Relationships are f'ckd up:

1. A lot of these girls do not feel whole if they are not in a relationship, which is not good because you are constantly looking for someone to complete you.
2. Self identity issues. The people who cant be single usually identify themselves as a couple moreso than they identify themselves as person (going back to the not feeling whole thing)
3. People who cant be by themselves worry me because if you cant be with yourself, then I'd want to know what is so wrong that even you dont like being alone with you.
4. One word: Clingy
5. I think these girls dont know who they are, they never get a chance to find themselves.