3 Reasons Single Women Should NOT Send Nude Pics

Ladies, You'll thank me later...guys reading this, you'll probably hate me. lol

Today was the last straw of vaginas for me. To clarify that statement, Im talking about seeing an unwarranted 'hello kitty' on my timeline leaked from an ex of some random girl. Enough is Enough! Not only do I not  want see this type of thing but my soul quietly weeps with embarrassment for these girls... these victims.

Soooo I want to do a PSA to all of you reading this in the hopes to at LEAST make you think twice before you hit the 'send' button of that naked pic.

To be clear, this is written for SINGLE people only. Im not as opposed to nudes to someone in a long term commited relationship.

 

Why You Should Say NO to Nudies:

1. Guy Are Shady- He's all that now but wait until after it's over (Debbie Downer moment). Seriously you have to think about the future and if you're confident that your current boo wont flip the switch on you once things are finished... REMEMBER you dont really know people or what damage they are capable of doing. I've heard guys showing their homies pics of YOU girls naked, hell I've even had a guy friend show me videos of the sex...and it was not for bragging purposes.

2. Social Media- If you send a naked pic to a guy you're just talking to/dating then you never really know where this pic will end up. Even if the guy himself isnt shady, it's possible someone could get a hold of your pic on his phone...and guess what? One upload to twitter could lead to more than a million views worldwide. You dont want your lady parts to go viral, just dont hit send

3. Your Influence- The older I get the more I realize the influence I have, no matter how small. If ever Im tempted to do something senseless Im thinking "What would I suggest to someone else who is thinking about doing this?" and chances are it'd be to not do it. OR if Im feeling really deep, I think about how would if I feel if I found out my (future) daughter was doing this? If the feeling is not good, I dont do it. I want my future children to be proud of me and not for them to be able to google search my hoo-hah.


Are you with me? Can we start a "I dont want to see any Vagina but my own" campaign? Seriously, It's sad when strangers can identify you by your Vajayjay.

.....BUT IF YOU MUST

Im not crazy enough to believe that this post will stop millions of girls from sending cake shots so here's advice to those who absolutely must for whatever reason.

1. Dont show your face- Simple if it leaks: deny, deny, deny!
2. No identifiable tattoos- Same as face, dont show anything that is unique to just you, no tattoos or birthmarks or whatever.
3. Angle & Filter & No close ups- I believe in generic nudes. A snapshot of a nice ass is good enough, boobs as well. The key is for it to be sexy and not traceable to you.


Remember, unless you're in a long term committed, loving relationship you probably shouldnt trust him as far as you can throw him in regards to your pics.

Comment Below

The Four Rules of Friends With Benefits

bow chica wow wow

According to Pyschology Today, these are the four rules one must apply upon entering a 'friends with benefits' relationship. Included are my thoughts and opinions.



Rule # 1: Don't mix your social circles.
Letting him or her hang out with or get too close to your friends borders on a relationship, so be careful about sharing too much of your life unless you're prepared to take the relationship to the next level. If you introduce your FWB partner to your friends, your friends can become attached, making things more difficult down the road if you simply want to keep things light. In addition, introducing him or her to your friends will invite the inevitable positive or negative comments your friends are bound to share about your new love - er, lust - interest.

-I agree with this. You dont want your friends too involved in a FWB relationship especially when it most likely ends, it's just awkward because your friends will too have to 'break up' with him.

Rule # 2: Don't share too much emotionally unless you want things to get more serious.
If you confide in him or her about life issues that are causing you stress, this increases the kind of intimacy you want to avoid if you don't want to get too emotionally attached. One of the things that makes FWB a tricky proposal is the fact that it's hard to avoid emotional intimacy when you're spending time with someone - particularly when you're engaging in sexual activity together. What's more, the real goal is to have both sex and emotional intimacy, so engaging in FWB relationships actually works against the goal you'll strive toward in a healthy, long-term relationship later in your life.

-Although this is tricky, I agree. Once you start opening up too much, feelings most likely are escalating for the guy. By then you probably are secretly hoping that the FWB relationship will evolve into a real one. BIG MISTAKE. Keep the convo light and casual and the sex as well.

Rule # 3: Be realistic about the future you have together.
The best way to be honest with yourself and realistic about what to expect is to have a conversation with him or her early on about the parameters of your FWB relationship. You might think that a FWB relationship is and always will be just about sex, but that's not always the truth. In fact, a real romantic relationship can develop from a FWB relationship. But for that to happen, you will need to relax and communicate openly about your needs and your feelings, and circumstances will require that the timing is right for the other person and that you are the kind of person he or she is looking for in terms of a long-term partner.

-Communication is IMPORTANT. Make sure you both know what it is and dont expect anything else other than what you've both agreed upon. The FWB relationship can develop into a real one but that just has to happen naturally if it does.

Rule # 4: Manage inevitable jealoousy when it arises.
No matter how cool or detached both of you try to be, odds are that jealousy will rear its ugly head. If you find yourself getting jealous, be honest and tell your FWB partner, and the two of you can talk about whether the FWB relationship is truly working for both of you. If he's the one who starts getting jealous, for example, and you also realize that you don't want to get involved more seriously with him, it's time to consider detaching and letting the benefits side of the relationship go.


-As awkward and ego killing as this may be, I agree although realistically I probably wouldnt tell the person i was jealous. I'd probably unfollow the guy from all social networks and see how it goes from there. lol


Overall, I agree with the Friends with benefits rules listed. I tend to think this relationship is the trickiest, most confusing and fastest way to set yourself up for a let down, but to each his own. If you can work it, then power to ya!


Hope this helps, as usual drop a comment.

Celibate, Abstinent or Dry Season? Know the Differences.

pic courtesy of collegecandy.com

I think a few people are completely confused about their non sex life status. As a result, they tend to claim one thing when it's actually another. People tend to think a lack of sex makes them celibate or abstinent when in reality it's neither- you could  just be in a dry season.

Here are the definition and examples of each so you can correctly identify your non sex life.lol

 cel·i·bate/ˈseləbət/

	Abstaining from marriage and sexual relations, typically for religious reasons.
	A person who abstains from marriage and sexual relations.

Example:  I've taken a vow of celibacy until marriage for religious purposes

ab•sti•nence /ãb'stə-nəns   Definition: (in relation to contraception) abstinence means not having any type of intercourse or sex play with a partner.

 Example: I'm abstaining from sex until I find a reliable birth control method.

Example: Im abstaining from sex until Im in a commited loving relationship

 dry* season/ dri-seazun (lol)

 

Definition: A season in which YOU AINT GETTIN NONE for an extended period of time for whatever reason. 

 

Example: I havent had any in about four months...Im going through a dry season
 
Example: I havent had any in (although I would like some and would if the opportunity arises) about a year...Im going through a dry season.



You get it now? Celibacy and Abstinence are similar- both are conscious decisions to abstain from sex for a certain amount of time for a certain reason while a dry season is when you aint getting none for a certain time but would if you could.

Now be honest, are you celibate or just aint getting none :p


Drop a comment below!

This Site Can Turn A Hoe Into A Housewife

Tired of bussin it wide open and dropping it like it's hot? "Number" looking kinda high? Ready to make that transition? Look no further, Pinterest.com is the go to site for training housewives...even if you's a hoe. I kid.

Okay, I realized that MY readers are probably NOT hoes (or not admitting) and I dont consider myself one either, but I do love Pinterest for helping a sister out when it comes to planning for the future wife, mother and Boss that I intend on becoming.

In case you have no clue what Pinterest is, it's a photo sharing site that is organized into categories that you can pin on different boards, ie home, clothes, photography, quotes, beauty, etc. The pictures that you pin usually are linked to the site of it's original source, allowing you to shop, read or get in depth details on the pic.


These are the ways Pinterest can turn a Hoe into a Housewife:

Going to a Holiday Event Solo Dolo? The 3 W's You Must Know!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

It's holiday season, so first Happy Christma-Hanna-Kwanza in advance!

 Around late November the world's (or at least U.S.A's) energy seems to shift into that of love,gratefulness & giving...and i'd be lying if I said I didnt LOVE it. However, with this wonderful time ahead comes GATHERINGS & CELEBRATIONS... lots of them.

As a party of one, it's not always the most comfortable thing to do. The pressure of being judged or the odd man out can make you feeling renting a boyfriend, ya know if the crowd is not particularly your good friends.

Whether it's a work gathering, distant relative's event or friend of a friends, here are the 3 W's to having a FAB time at any event.

It's Holiday Season...6 Gifts to Get Single Women

 HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Tis gift giving season and I chose one of my favorite sites to do the guiding when it comes to giving presents to your single gal pals. According to this article, these are the gifts fitting for the party of one.

Cookbooks

• Single women have to cook for themselves. Cookbooks provide creative recipe ideas for enjoyable meals. Select cookbooks for busy single women by looking for books that feature meals that can be prepared in 20 minutes or less. For a woman on a tight budget, select books with recipes that take five ingredients or less.

This is a good idea, because aside from the fact that we have to cook for ourselves, brushing up on your cooking skills will be useful when you do get a man!

Bath Products

• Evenings after work call for relaxation for the single woman. Select scented bubble baths, bath crystals, loofahs, sponges or even scented candles for putting around the tub. Ask your single friend what some of her favorite scents are so you can make sure you pick the right ones or surprise her with common favorites such as vanilla, lavender, or strawberry. Find bath products at stores like Victoria Secret, Bath and Body Works, or shop online at Ebay.

Love this one (and have given this as a gift) because you just cant go wrong with smell goods & it's just one of those things we dont really like to buy on our own.

Mail Order Movie Subscription

• If your single friend is home on a weekend night, she can watch a movie for entertainment. Services like Blockbuster or Netflix have affordable prices and free trials. There's no return postage required, and as soon as the company gets the movie back, they ship out a new one.

I love the netflix subscription idea, it's the gift that keeps on giving!

Music Gift Cards

• Music gift cards allow your single friend to buy music online from popular sites such as iTunes, Amazon, and emusic. She can download music to her computer, MP3 player or Ipod. Since most songs only cost approximately $.99, you can buy a lot of songs for just a few dollars.

Another good, budget friendly gift...assuming your friends dont already pirate music :p

Pajamas

• Cold nights call for warm pajamas. A single woman might appreciate pajamas in warm materials such as flannel or fleece to keep her warm when the weather is cold outside. Slippers or bathrobes complete the package.

Who doesnt love a cute 'jammie' set? This will always be a great gift option because it will get used, and everyone likes a gift they can actually use!

Pets

• Pets such as a dog, cats, or even fish make suitable companions for single women. Before you get one, ask the female if she likes walking dogs or cleaning up after them. Hint about this if you don't want to reveal you're planning on getting her a pet. If she does not, choose fish or pets that require low maintenance.

I dont agree with this one unless it's a fish. To give a pet as a gift in my opinion is highly inconsiderate. Pets cost money and time to take care of properly...something everyone doesnt have. So NO PETS!!!



I think this list by ehow is great and recommend five out of the six listed. Gift giving is so fun, but always make sure you buy a person something they'll need/want/use!

Has it come to this?: The Boyfriend Pillow

you can buy this here for under $25

I love to browse online for things made for us singles and when I saw the boyfriend pillow, first I LOL'd then I wept inside for such a desperate product. But hey, who am I to judge?

I guess after a  break up you can spray the pillow in your ex's cologne and cry yourself to sleep on a pillow with an arm on it. lol. My guess is that this is a big seller amongst army & jail wives, which, if thats the case is understandable...for the rest of us, man up!

Boyfriend pillow: yay or nay?

The Pros and Cons of Okcupid.com

If you follow me on twitter, then you may have seen me tweeting about joining okcupid.com last week.I've always been curious about joining an online dating site but have been reluctant to because of the negative stigmas that surrounds it. It wasn't until I saw one of my favorite bloggers happy black woman tweeting about okcupid being a favorite for her that I decided to join...plus it was FREE. lol

So here I am a week later with the following review:

Pros:

Five Ways to Break Up With a NON Boyfriend

It’s kind of sad all of the hoopla us single + fab ladies have to put up with on a daily basis. Seriously, the sh!t goes from tiring, to confusing, to lonely to wtf real quick. So today I’ve decided to write a handy guide for a BIG problem that myself and many other ladies face: Having to break up with a guy who you aren’t even dating!

You know that guy “friend” who secretly thinks you’ll realize one day that you should be with him despite the fact that you clearly show no interest in him.Why don’t some guys get that we JUST want to be friends? I’ll never know, but here’s some ways to “break up” with the poor old guy.

Here’s five ways to break up with him, and yes some are cowardly.lol

Boredom: A Single Girls' Worst Enemy

image from toonplaza.blogspot.com

 

 



Ever notice how some of the dumbest decisions you've made started on a day/night you just wanted to get out because you were bored? I sure have, so I wanted to go in depth about the harm that boredom brings and the resolution.

WARNING BOREDOM MAY CAUSE THE FOLLOWING:

*May cause you to go out on a date for food with someone you despise
*May cause you to invite a lame over
*May cause you to entertain the lame
*May cause you to entertain the lame sexually (shame on you)
*May cause you to get drunk and call up an ex
*May cause drunken sex with the ex
*May cause drunken sex with the ex that leads to pregnancy
*May cause drunken sex with the ex that leads to pregnancy and leaves you a single baby momma with baby daddy drama

WHEW, so basically dont give into boredom or you may accidently get pregnant by someone you dont want and be a crazy baby momma

OF course Im kidding...or am I?

Talking...Let's Talk About What That Means.

"Talking to" someone of the opposite sex has been a phenomon since waaaay before you and I  were ever thought of, and yet very few people stop to think about what it really means.

I've created my own description for the "talking" guidelines as the following: Talking is a few degrees less than dating. It is the time you talk to/see a person of interest consistently in hopes of dating. It is sort of like a testing phase and should not involve serious feelings or drastic actions. During this time, you're learning about the other person, but should keep in mind that most people are on their best behavior in the beginning stages. This is the lightest phase of a relationship, so it's the perfect time to head for the hills if any cautionary signs pop up.

It is very important not to confuse "talking" with "dating" or "relationship", although I might add that it seems the older we get, the more dating we do initally instead of talking.

Talking VS Dating

Craigslist Chronicles: The Good, The Bad & The Crazy

Maybe it's  because Ive just joined ok cupid (which I fully plan on doing some blogs about later, stay tuned) but I've been very curious about the pursuit of love online. There are soooo many reputable  sites available for us now days to reach out and meet "the one"...

So today, the evil genius in me thought it would be funny to search through Craigslist ads because I knew I'd be bound to find some straight up ridiculousness...which I did...and here lies The Good, The Bad, and the Crazy from the Craigslist's personals pages (Women Seeking Men)

The Good

50 First Dates

(in case the text is too small, it reads: Greetings, Men of Craigslist. IM a BBw single mom who just turned 39 and is more than a little annoyed to see 40 looming in my future. My childs as reached teenagehood and a measure of independence, and i've decided to celebrate the last year of my 30's by making it a goal to have 50 first dates before i turnd 40. Wanna help?

 

For the visually inclined, Im 5'6, 210 lbs (size 16-18, xl), with medium length blognde hair and fairly good breasts. I like movies (sci-fi and action mostly), blues bars, white wine , shows, great conversation and lots of laughter. Becasue Im trying to expand my horizons, Im totally open to trying new things. You can plan YOUR ideal first date, and I'll probalby be games. Im fairly intelligent, open-minded and fun if you like sarcastic humor.

 

If you'd like to help me "go out" of my thirties witha bang, and if you love first dates, email me and tell me what kind of first dat you'd like to take me on. It doesnt have to be fancy, just looking for fun ! Extra points if you dont suggest dinner and a movie)



I like that this poster was original and specific. She's made it clear that she's not looking for anything serious, but just a bunch of fun dates with different guys. LOL at her calling her own self fairly and intelligent and having fairly good breast. wtf?

Just Dating? No Need For Loyalty Then!

 

 

loy·al·ty/ˈloiəltē/

Noun:

The quality of being loyal to someone or something. A strong feeling of support or allegiance: "fights with in-laws cause divided loyalties".

A "relationship" trend Im definetly NOT loving is the one where people (okay, us ladies) are being loyal to guys we are "just talking to" or just dating...I realize times might be tough out there in these mean single streets, trust me I know BUT we must not let that influence us into making bad decisions.

Our culture, is big on loyalty. I get that and I am an advocate of loyalty to friends and family who are deserving, or otherwise I may definetly NOT have your back.lol.

In my opinion, a lot of these premature loyalty issues stem from lack of self esteem. I know and I can write about this topic because I've been there before so Im not here to judge, Im here to guide. The absense of self esteem or presense of insecurity tends to always make us feel that we have to prove ourselves to others in order to get their approval. The thought is, once they see that we've proven ourselves, we pass the test and by passing the test, we go on to the "next level"...whatever that may be, which is usually us getting a step closer to relationship status.

For instance, in my past insecurity filled life, once I considered myself officially "talking" (i'll do a whole other blog on what 'talking' is.lol) then in my head I felt I had certain obligations to him. I would go out and not give out my number to other guys, I'd refuse dates, cancel prior activities for quality time with "him" etc etc etc. I look back now and laugh.

Loyalty to the wrong person, especially too soon can lead to many bad decisions; the most common one being having sex too soon with a person, especially unprotected! Unless you are getting your groove back or are just mentally prepared and sexually liberated enough to seperate sex from emotions, I would not advise sleeping with someone who you're just dating because most likely he will just turn into a friend with benefits and NOT a boyfriend...and let's be honest here, we dont really want any more friends with benefits!

It's all as simple as this : If you are single, you dont have a boyfriend. Period. Dating other people is not cheating. I know I used to feel bad, but the reality of the dating situation is if it's not monogomous than there is no such thing as cheating. Simple as that. Even if you like the person and the person likes you, until it's official you are fare game. And trust me when I say that a lot of the things we wouldnt hesitate to do for the sake of "him", he would not think twice about doing to you, keep that in mind.

All Im saying is your loyalty should ONLY be reserved for those who have proven themselves worthy.If you take nothing else from this post, take this: YOU ARE ENOUGH! It's time for us to stop feeling the need to prove ourselves to anyone, ESPECIALLY for those who not do the same for us


Comments? Concerns? Input?
Drop a message below



So What Is It, Opposites Attract or Like Attracts Like?

Throughout the course of our lives, we are faced with numerous conflicting messages. For example, when we learned the the alphabet and the vowels (yes Im taking it back) we learned the vowels were A,E,I,O,U...and sometimes Y. That sometimes Y is pretty tricky because it is neither a full time vowel or a full time consonant. I digress.

Life tends to present plenty of "And sometimes Y" situations. Especially in regards to relationships. We are taught certain things, and then taught the exact opposite of those things and are left to figure out when to use them and in which cases, which of course usually varies. Like Independence. We are taught to be independent and have our own as women and not need a man for anything. We are also taught that men are to be the providers, protectors and head of the household....which kind of means we do need them. Confusing right?

So my post today is about the old adage of "opposites attract", which Im sure you've heard said before. Im confused because in my personal enlightenment journey, I've learned that "like attracts like". I want to know which one should I be looking for?

Girls Who are Never Single vs Girls Who are Always Single. Which B*tch is The Craziest?

Obviously both ends of the spectrum has issues, that of course has gained my interest enough to write about.

Here are my thoughts.

First, I'd say both ends of the spectrum are major red flags for potential lovers, and here's why:

Why Serial Daters and Girls Who are Always In Relationships are f'ckd up:

1. A lot of these girls do not feel whole if they are not in a relationship, which is not good because you are constantly looking for someone to complete you.
2. Self identity issues. The people who cant be single usually identify themselves as a couple moreso than they identify themselves as person (going back to the not feeling whole thing)
3. People who cant be by themselves worry me because if you cant be with yourself, then I'd want to know what is so wrong that even you dont like being alone with you.
4. One word: Clingy
5. I think these girls dont know who they are, they never get a chance to find themselves.

50 Shades of Grey...This is What the Hype was About?

Im not one to hop on trends or be into "the latest" whatever, so I never felt the urge to get a copy of  I  the New York Times Best Seller book 50 Shades of Grey. Curiosity has finally gotten the best of me last week, and I read  it and I  just had to write about it. This is for you all who have read it or those curious, as I was. This book has been out for a while and is a trilogy, so yes, Im extremely late.

Before I start the review, I wont leave you guessing on my unpopular opinion, I did not love the book, I barely liked it actually, and here is why:

50 Shades of Grey Review

50 Shades is essentially a book about a virginal character Ana who meets and falls instantly for an extremely rich, extremely handsome Christian Grey. He is intimidating and controlling...and into the alternative lifestyle of BDSM (Bondage& Discipline,Sadism & Masochism ) . The very innocent Ana goes on to lose her virginity to him and participate into the lifestyle rather quickly but falls in love. Christian Grey does not do love, but somehow he finds himself letting her slide in situations that he's never let anyone else slide in. He himself catches feeling for her, although he's warned her from day one that he is not the type of man she should be with. Of course she doesnt listen to that warning and tries to change him into a loving man, although he's self admittedly "50 shades of fucked up". She changes for sure, him not so much. She realizes that he just may not have the capacity to love and that is heartbreaking. The end.

 

There, you dont have to read it. lol.j/k

 

Although I did not care for this book at all, I think it had potential to be something great. The problem to me was that the writing was annoying, the scenarios were repetitive,the situations were incredibly unbelievable  and Im not sure if there was or wasnt a clear plot.

 

For instance, what 21 year old college graduate who wants to pursue publishing, doesnt own a laptop or even an email address in 2011? She is naive beyond measure and I just cant get with it. Okay, a virgin character may be inexperienced, but Ana was damn near the Virgin Mary in the beginning. Also, her awkardness and inner voices were annoying, "my inner goddess" this and my "subconscious" that. Really? When I was reading, I couldnt picture any grown adult with these thoughts, the main character Ana read like a teenager...and not a very bright one. That disturbed me.

 

I digress, this book was extremely annoying in the sense that every page was guaranteed to incoporate the following: the words "holy crap", "holy cow", "holy shit"...really ? , inner goddess doing back flips, subconscious hiding behind a couch or calling her a hoe, Ana biting her lip, someone rolling their eyes, how gray Grey's eyes are and how extremely handsome he is. I think the author could have been more creative, Im not kidding when I say each page has at least one of those things on it. I dont know about anybody else, but reading "holy cow" on every page got soooo annoying.

 

The sex scenes to me were the most unrealistic. Not to be cynical here, but she orgasms EVERYTIME like within a minute, and even on command. Even her first time. Maybe Im jealous, but what the hell? She "shatters to pieces" (orgasms) just by a slight touch by him. And also, I cant see an innocent virgin go from zero to total BDSM goddess in such a short time period either,but I dont know. The scenes were basically all the same, and to use a term from the book, VERY vanilla. There was no variety, and her awkwardness and inner thoughts clouded what may have been juicy scenes. Christian, in all his filthy richness and handsomeness was border line abusive, definintely a stalker and overly controlling man. I hope women out there realize that that is NOT a catch.

 

Lastly, Im not sure what the plot was in this book. I would try to brainstorm but I still cant figure it out.

 

THE GOOD:

While I didnt love the book, I didnt hate it. I enjoyed the Christian character (since he was kind of the only one with substance) and would've liked to know more about his past.

 

I also like that this book has people reading it, even if that means reading a sub par, less than erotica fantasy book. AND not only are people reading it, they are spicing up their love lives...and I aint mad at that...

 

Mainly I like that as a writer, it gives me hope. If this book can be a bestseller than I know I have one in me.

 

Overall, some may think this is a little critical, and it may be. I write, so I may pay attention to things that others dont. I think this book wasnt smart enough, and I think it had potential to be but something went wrong. Hopefully the script writers for the film do a better  job at developing the characters and plots.

 

 

Have you read it? What did you think? Ready for the film?

 

 

 



How To Create The Perfect Online Dating Profile

While watching Steve Harvey (dont judge me, I draw inspiration from anywhere) there was a segment on the do's and dont's in regards to what and what not to post online in your online dating profile. I'm going to list the tips below from the expert on Steve's show.

I am seriously considering creating an online dating profile, of course after I research which site would be the best for me and what Im looking for. Be on the lookout for posts on that experience, as I've never done the online thing before...post a comment below if you want to share your online dating stories/ tips/ recommendations.

Elements For The Perfect Online Profile:

1. PICTURE- Your picture is your main marketing tool and you are the product. Keep in mind your target audience when choosing your picture. If you show too much cleavage or partying pictures, then what kind of man do you think is going to hit you up? Choose a close up face shot and a full body shot. Make sure you are smiling in your pictures and are dressed casual fab!

2. CONTENT- It's important in your profile to stay positive. Write about all the things that you are good at and that you like. Also, instead of writing what you are NOT looking for, write what you are looking for. Too much negativity makes you seem like a Debbie Downer...no one wants a negative chick.

3. PRIVACY- Remember that you are online and your privacy is at risk here. You absolutely dont want to use your real name when signing up for these sites...which leads me to #4

4. SCREENNAME- Your screen name is important as it ultimately represents you just second to your profile pic. Keep body parts, sexual phrases or just distasteful words out of your name. Nobody wants Sexqueen69...well someone probably does, just not for a relationship. Choose a creative name that is interesting. This might take some time, jot down some possibles til you find the one that fits you.

5. PERSONALITY- Your profile should be you. No fronting, No bullsh*t, no more, no less than you. If you are looking for love online, and you want something real, be real yourself.


Have any more tips? Leave a comment below.

#message

What To Do When a Guy Gets Ghost on You

Casper the friendly ghost prick

This post was inspired by a Cosmopolitan article I read from the February 2012 issue. I am a former magazine hoarder who likes to go back and reread sporadically. Thats another issue though.

The article I was interested in was entitled: What to Do When a Guy Ghosts. Although the phrasing of the title is bad IMO (the phrase is to "get ghost"... or maybe thats just hood slang.lol), I wanted to know what the "experts" opinions were on what to do when a guy you're feeling disappears out of nowhere.

The advice given was that if he disappears suddenly after a few presumably good dates, then there may be some reasons why. He may be extremely busy at work, or he may be under the impression that you are not into him. They said  you should text him to see if he is busy or needs encouragement (not sure what that part means) and  if he doesnt respond enthusiastically within a 24 hour time period, then you should delete his info and keep it moving, finishing with this line: "Never put in more than you're getting in the beginning."

I usually dont agree with the advice I find in magazines, but for this one I do. I am not the only one who've talked to someone and was really starting to feel them and POOF, they disappeared. Whether  it was me, or them or whatever, they disappeared. The question after that was always where to go from there? Do you just delete everything and pretend they never existed? Do you speak if you see them out? Are you being too extreme by deleting without knowing the full story? Do you wait and keep them in your contacts "just in case" one day they realize your awesomeness? Those were always my questions.

Cosmo is absolutely right about never putting in more than you're getting in the beginning. If you are the one calling, setting dates, planning, texting first...then you may want to reeavaluate if this is the type of person you want in your life. Also, you have to consider that he just might not be that into you (I know the ego hates that though). Every relationship should be mutually beneficial in my opinion. So Im encouraging myself and other to let the Non Factors go. Delete.Delete.Delete.

If he wants to get Ghost, then good, he's just making room for someone who would love to stay around :)

Drop a comment below.

#thatawkwardsinglemoment

As a single gal, there are countless moments that are straight up awkward...so I decided to start randomly posting those oh so cringeworthy things. I know they dont just happen to me!

Today's Awkward moment:

That awkward moment when you STILL are following someone you stopped talking to...but dont want to be rude and unfollow... but dont want to see what they're tweeting/instagram'ing... but still do want to see it just to be nosy. #awkward

 

 

Have another #awkwardsinglemoment ? Leave a comment below!

 



Single During Cold Seasons? To Wax or Not to Wax?

Sorry about this graphic image.lol. Actually Im cracking up

 

 



This is a gross post. But I am willing to conquer even the most private, sometimes embarrassing aspects of being a single female. Soooooo here we go. It is Fall, the weather is cooling down, we are starting to put our clothes back on, no more cook outs or pool parties...sooooo...yeah this is awkward. Single ladies, are we or arent we, ummmm waxing/shaving/nairing  "down there" during the cold and lonely seasons?

I'll be the first to admit, that I do tend to be more lax on shaving my legs when it gets cold ESPECIALLY if Im not seeing anyone. I still do underarms though. As far as waxing, I enjoy the results BUT since only Im seeing it right now, I probably (most likely will) still get them but wait longer times in between.

It's so easy to be lazy when technically anything that's covered up and will not be seen basically doesnt exist to anyone but you. However, I think it just feels sexy and clean when you're bare down there. Like a sexy little secret, and the good thing is "just in case" something happens, you're prepared and not having to turn down a steamy moment just because of the jungle.lol. Of course, whatever floats your boat is the way to go!



So ladies, Do you do "The Bush"  or "Mr Miyagi" when it's cold and you dont have a boo thang?
 Be honest!!!

Yay or Nay: The Snuggie Sutra

In WTF let's write a book about anything news, there is a book out there entitled "The Snuggie Sutra." It's obviously a derived from the  popular sex guide Karma Sutra but only with Snuggies!  The idea makes me literally lol. Check out a few images from the book, so you can know all the ways to get down with a snuggie on. This is not a review, as I've not read it...just thought it was interesting. If anyone has read it, leave a comment below.lol


Here are a few graphics from the book:

Bet you wanna go out and get a snuggie huh? 

To end this post, this is probably a good gag gift to give or one to buy if you like little conversation piece books on your coffee table. It's good to have things around that are just for fun.

But seriously, are you gonna try one? I know I have my snuggie ready to go.lol (j/k)

Is Your E-Life Ruining Your Love Life?

Twitter. Facebook. Instagram. It's a rarity to meet someone who hasnt joined at least one of these social networking sites, as a lot of people are connected to all three. With the whole e-world connected at your fingertips, it's very very easy to overshare if you are not careful.

Is sharing your every thought, idea, action and picture necessarily good for budding relationship? I say no. I've been guilty of overshare, probably about when I first joined twitter. I literally tweeted all day about any and everything because I thought that was the purpose. That was years ago, and although Im not sure who I was dating at the moment, if they ever wanted to know ANYTHING about what I thought about them or anything, all they had to do was check my timeline. And THAT can kill a budding relationship.

The Five Languages of Love You Need to Know NOW.

After a short, pleasant flight from Atlanta to Miami I indulged in a book I got from a good friend of mines called "The Five Love Languages" by best selling marriage counselor Gary Chapman. Although it was an interesting read, I dont necessarily recommend it because it was written for married couples. However the information is useful even in dating situations, and in this post I will have basically concluded all the info you need to know without all the stories in the book.

 5 Love Languages :

Mr Right...Are You Him?

Almost every girl out there on this wild quest for love seem to be looking for one thing:Mr Right. Although we all have  our different versions of him, Mr Right is "the one" who complements us best.

For me, he is an attractive, funny, non conformist,spirtual, entrepreneur, witty, leader, honest, humble,successful, passionate,visionary,generous, responsible, good-with-money,motivated, opened minded, fun man (the ones in bold are non-negotiables). Whew, thats a lot...and definetly not all. But none the less, this is MY Mr Right basics. If you dont have a list of traits you want in your future man, I suggest you make a list, dont go all Chile from TLC on me though, be reasonable, this is just a guide to show you what you value as important in a man, not something to obsess over. I digress.

Got your list? Good. There's good news & there's bad news. The good news is this: HE EXCISTS!!!! That man is out there someone, he may not be perfectly packaged or you may not meet him the way you thought you would, and he will have the traits but will also have his fair share of flaws, BUT he is out there.

The bad news? Well lets take a look at that list you have of what you want in a man. Now, I want you to check off all the traits in HIM that you have in YOU. Chances are, you have a few or a lot of things unchecked like I did. Which means that we (me and everyone else with the unchecked traits) have some work to do...on ourselves.

I firmly believe it's unfair to ask of others things in which you dont possess yourself. So, I encourage everyone who made the lists, and honestly checked them off to look at all the traits or items you dont possess and work on those things until you feel you've mastered them.

I for one have entrepreneur as someone I'd like my Mr Right to be...yet Im not an entrepreneur. So what I will do now is focus on how I can be more business oriented even if I never start a business (which I do plan on), I'll have aquired enough knowledge about entrepreneurship to be an asset when I meet my Mr Right. Get it?

Who's bold enough to post their lists...as well as unchecked traits?

I'd love to hear your feedback, comment below! (and share this post while you're at it)

Affirmation

Good Friend. Bad Girlfriend.

This post is about a question that truly baffles me: Why doesnt being a good friend automatically translate into being a good girlfriend?

I really want to know. I was thinking about myself and a few friends similar to me that are single. We all are great friends; supportive, loving, understanding, etc so I wonder why then, when it comes to relationships are these qualities not enough to make it work.

I came up with the following conclusions:

EXPECTATION- Expectations, in my opinion are one of the number one relationship ruiners in the beginning stages. With friends, you know who they are and what to expect. With guys, you know what you want them to do is what you expect them to do...which HELLO is definitely rarely the case. Expectations also add pressure that is non applicable to friendships I believe.

SEX- People tend to usually not have sex with their really close friends, and this is a reason things are simple. You are not ever really expected to sleep with a friend (unless you all get down like that I suppose) but you are, at some point expected to sleep with your mate...which can lead to heightened emotions on the smallest of things...leading to issues in the relationship.

LOVE- If you have great friends, it's safe to say that you love or have love for them. Thats a no brainer. With a boyfriend, in order for it to work in the long haul you must not only love him, you must be in love with him. Being in love changing everything and with that, you must learn a new type of l-o-v-e that you may not be used to. Regardless loving a friend is not like loving your man.

Those are what I came up with so far. Have any more? I'd love to discuss this. Drop a comment or @ me on twitter with hashtag #singlegirlshxt

Has Technology Ruined the "Getting to Know You" Stage?

 

 

Is it just me or is the "getting to know you stage" annoying?

In an instant "microwave" society, the truth is that relationships are one thing that still takes time to cultivate. Just a decade ago, (just typing that makes me feel so old) meeting a new potential beau was so exciting. You anticipated getting to know him, his likes and dislikes and staying up allll night long on the phone with him talking about anything, everything and nothing at all. Ahhh those were the days.

NOW, I believe technology has ruined those sweet moments we used to enjoy. I myself am guilty of googling people I just met and basically through a series of twitter/facebook/instagram stalking- finding out their whole life story to decide if I should continue to pursue...ya know, just to make sure they're not psycho, married, gay or anything else. This basically is a set up for failure, because you'll realize he's not perfect and he's exposing all these quirks and flaws that you probably wouldnt have seen until months on in, but you just dont care enough to invest in such a risky situation so soon...so you decide already that talking to him is probably not in your best interest and to keep it moving...then repeat.

We fail to realize that getting to know people takes one thing: TIME. All our family, our friends, our coworkers, our associates, anyone that we know well enough has taken time for the relationship to be established...and the same goes for relationships whether we like it or not. If someone was to judge me by my online presense alone, Im not sure what my score would tally up to. I know that if they spent the time with me, saw my sense of humor (which really doesnt translate online like in person), saw my smile, heard my goals and dreams from my mouth and my fears and dislikes THEN they could be able to make a decision on whether Im the type of person they would want to be with. I'd hate to be prejudged or to prejudge someone else, so Im going to try to not look at facebook/twitters or instagrams so harshly when getting to know someone. I know for sure that'll be hard for me, because Im nosy, but I really think that in the long run it'll help to establish better relationships.


How do you all feel about the issue? Anybody else can admit to cyberstalking a new boo? lol

Reluctant to Take Love Advice From Your Single Friends? Read This.

A pretty common myth I've heard throughout the years is the "single girls cant give good love advice" one. For a while I believed it to be true and would even tell anybody asking me for advice in that area that they should definitely take heed. Then I really thought about it  and realized that, although I've been living as a "bachelorette" (okay my word for a 'chronic single' that makes me sleep better at night) I have pretty invaluable advice to offer to those in need.

So my advice to anyone reluctant to take heed to any cautionary tales or tips for improvement from single girls is this: YOU CAN LEARN FROM ANYONE. Literally everyone is a teacher, whether their life lesson is on what to do or what not to do...but let me step back from that profound idea and reel this back to the subject: Dating advice.

If you have good friends, even if they are single, the bottomline is this: They want you to be happy. So the advice they give you may be something obvious that is missing that you cant see because you are blinded by love.   Another reason not to shun the help of a single sister is because she may have been where you are before. Just because she's single now, doesnt mean she has  never been in love before. Maybe, just maybe her insight is just what you need because it come from experience, whether it's something that she knows through a successful relationship or a failed one.

Lastly, I believe that if you have a trustworthy friend, single or not, you should at least listen to the advice that  they offer and not reject it solely based off of their relationship status is because that is discriminatory. How would you like it if someone you cared for didnt listen to your potentially beneficial advice just because you were a woman? gay? black? unemployed? You wouldnt. Because while there are many things that are specific to certain situations, we all have way more in common than we have as differences, including the need to love and be loved, and the desire to see loved ones doing well.

With all that being said, advice from anyone, even this very blog should be taken with a grain of salt. Take with you what will work for you and leave what doesnt.

In love with the idea.

It's funny. I was laughing the other day at how some people reminisce on a life wayyyy grander than it actually was. The stories are so elaborate, detailed and epic and mostly NOT true. This is of course about the people who I know for sure weren't living the life they seem to have remembered. But these colorful story tellers led to me to a thought that I think pertains to reminiscing on certain loves from our pasts. To put it clearly: It wasnt all roses.

I can think of someone who, when Im feeling really lonely I look back on and miss. I miss his personality, his touch, his friends, his smile, and when Im feeling lonely, the list goes on and on. BUT when I reallllly think about him without the googly eyes, I realize that what Im missing wasnt there the majority of the time. In reality he was a detached, emotionally unavailable jerk. Someone who I would now not waste time on, simply because I know now that it would be a dead end relationship, and I deserve better.

So in reality, yes I do miss him in a sense because he was a friend. BUT  more than him, I miss the ideal version of him in my head. The him that I wanted him to be, not the real him. I miss all the good times that coulda, woulda, but didnt happen because in reality it just wasnt that good.

So now, when Im looking back at what was and what wasnt, I try to take it all in truthfully. It wasnt all good, he wasnt all good, and neither was I. I cant create new memories now. I can learn from the past though, which is what I intend on doing.

Anyone else reminiscing on what wasnt? leave a comment.

What the F@$# Is Up With my Gaydar ?

Im semi embarrassed to admit that I dont think my Gaydar is not working like it used to. To be clear I have NO problem with gay people...I just dont want to be dating a gay man, as Im sure a lot of straight women dont. And lately, according to the 'dar' everybody's gay.

I say this because I find myself either questioning a man's masculinity or excusing it. For instance, I met a guy who was VERY close with his friend, they were hitting each other, he even bit him lovingly. For me, I thought that was EXTREMELY gay. I dont know, like love taps or something, then I felt bad and like I was being closed minded. Maybe, just maybe that was their relationship and they were just two straight men not afraid to show their love to each other...but even that sounds gay.
To make a not so long story even shorter, I gave one of them my number. But then never kept in contact.

Another guy I was actually involved with was really cool. He is really attactive and has a lot of good qualities, but in my imagination I can see him being gay. He's cute and friendly and friends with a few guys I suspect to be gay ( I am aware that this is an unfair judgement) so I cant help but to think 'birds of a feather'...

This is happening pretty commonly, so either Im attracting gay guys (I do live in Atlanta) OR Im becoming jaded. Either way, I dont like it. I would like to meet a man who has a balance of masculinity and sensitivity without feeling like he swings for the other team.

#thatisall #semirant